» Three Reasons Why I Turned Off American Gladiators

- Three Reasons Why I Turned Off American Gladiators
  
  A post about American Gladiators by Josh on January 14th, '08
  
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- “I was hoping for some mindless fun. Some escapism. I ended up turning off the show halfway through.”
  
  I’m starting not to mind the writer’s strike these days. I was feeling good when it was announced that Showtime’s edgy crime show, Dexter, was coming to CBS. The Wire has started again.
  
  Then I sat down in from of American Gladiators. This is a show that got its second chance because of the writer’s strike. A show that took that golden opportunity and blew it.
  
  Sure, I’ll admit being a young kid and watching the show on Saturday morning. But I was young then. What kid wouldn’t want to see people beating each other with padded sticks and running around an obstacle course? All the events seemed to have been made up by kids.
  
  When last week’s rehashing of the show was broadcast, I was, secretly, hoping to relive a small piece of my childhood. I was hoping for some mindless fun. Some escapism.
  
  I ended up turning off the show halfway through.
  
  What went wrong? Was it me or was it American Gladiator? Did I somehow feel jilted by the years long hiatus? Had I simply outgrown the Gladiators?
  
  No. It was none of these things.
  
  What was it?
  
  1. Hulk Hogan seems to have escaped the ravages of age (perhaps by staying fit or perhaps by some modern surgical technique), but hasn’t managed to get anything resembling a personality. Call me picky, but if I’m watching a show in prime time, I want a host who can string together a decent sentence or two and crack a joke once in a while. Hulk just looked like he was trying too hard.
  2. The Gladiators were more World Wrestling Federation than they used to be. They used to wear those silly spandex outfits and dish out faux-menacing looks, but there was more of a sense of competition back in the day. Last week, they just seemed to be trying to fit into their chosen (or assigned) characters, more interested in the camera than the game. If I want a comic book character, I’ll go read a comic book.
  3. The competitors talked too much. And they didn’t have anything good to say. None of them were particularly likeable. One woman kept reminding everyone that she used to be in the army. There would be some mild trash talking or an “I tried my best and I’m going to try even harder next time.” It made things terribly boring.
  
  What would it take to get me to sit down in from of Gladiators again?
  1. Give Hogan the boot and give Laila Ali all the hosting duties.
  2. Make the competitors shut up. Or give them cue cards to read from.
  3. Take the pads off the end of those sticks they use to play “The Joust.”
  4. Make all the gladiators wear sweat suits or something. The whole “I’m trying to look like a comic book character” thing is too redneck for prime time television.
  
  I’ll probably tune into the show sometime, in spite of myself. And, I’d wager, I’ll turn it off again in disgust after a few minutes when I realize that they haven’t taken any of my suggestions.
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One Response to “Three Reasons Why I Turned Off American Gladiators”
1. Joke of the day » Three Reasons Why I Turned Off American Gladiators Says:
  January 15th, 2008 at 6:15 am
  […] post by Teevieo and software by Elliott Back This entry is filed under Joke of the day. You can follow any […]
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